So far I have sniffed 13 times. I am sure the downregging is working because I am not sleeping for more than 5.5 hrs. Last night went to bed at 12.30am shattered and woke up at 6am!!!!!!! How the hell I am suppose to de-stress and take it easy if I am not getting enough sleep. Help, Help. Help, Help, I have become my mother who is 75 who wakes up at 5am everyday.
I DO NOT NORMALLY SURFACE BEFORE 10 ON SATURDAYS.
WEEKENDS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE MY TIME TO REST.
I DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN YET,THEREFORE THIS IS MY TIME,
OR IS THE LACK OF SLEEP TRAINING FOR MOTHERHOOD.
Only another
Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff,
Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff.
Before I can return to normal sleeping patterns.
Have a super day that is if anyone is reading this?
Saturday, 30 June 2007
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
How to Sniff Part One ---
Well I am officially now pre menopausal as I started sniffing this morning (badly I will add). My first attempt I didn't inhale propertly (If I replayed the scene I acted like a Sniffing Virgin which I am not) but no doubt in the next days I will get the hang of it. How easy it is to sniff? I am not sure what came over me.
The worse thing is I think I am coming down with a cold (at the moment I am fluctuating between being boiling hot and freezing cold).
On my way home I was on the tube perspiring a hell of a lot and I am sure a few older ladies like myself (advanced maternal age ie 40plus) who were sitting across from me were giving me the sympathetic look ie hot flushes = menopause. I wanted to shout out, no. no this is only the trial run it is not the real thing it is self afflicted but decided to blow my nose so loudly so the entire carriage heard and assumed I had a cold. (Strange world isn't it, or maybe I am being paranoid)
After 3 sniffs, I have not had any real side effects,(only imagined, this morning my face and right eye tingled a bit, by the way did I mention I was also a hypochondriac!) On a positive note the ovaries grumbling as stopped so it looks like the sniffing may be working.
For me day 1 of sniffing is almost over, I must dash now and make a high protein meal.
The worse thing is I think I am coming down with a cold (at the moment I am fluctuating between being boiling hot and freezing cold).
On my way home I was on the tube perspiring a hell of a lot and I am sure a few older ladies like myself (advanced maternal age ie 40plus) who were sitting across from me were giving me the sympathetic look ie hot flushes = menopause. I wanted to shout out, no. no this is only the trial run it is not the real thing it is self afflicted but decided to blow my nose so loudly so the entire carriage heard and assumed I had a cold. (Strange world isn't it, or maybe I am being paranoid)
After 3 sniffs, I have not had any real side effects,(only imagined, this morning my face and right eye tingled a bit, by the way did I mention I was also a hypochondriac!) On a positive note the ovaries grumbling as stopped so it looks like the sniffing may be working.
For me day 1 of sniffing is almost over, I must dash now and make a high protein meal.
Monday, 25 June 2007
Rain Rain - go away and come back another day
I cannot believe it is Summer, where is the Sun and I cannot believe how cold it is Sun, Sun where are you? Please shine so I can sit out on my deck chairs.
So far, everything with me has been OK and I am still popping the b/c pills. The only slight concern I have is, my ovaries have been grumbling and aching since last week!. I am not sure what the ramification of this is, but there is nothing I can do about it. So roll on scan in approx 11 days. At the moment , the plan is I should start Sniffing on Wed, so only 2 days to go.
At the weekend some friends came over with their children and I can say they were the most adorable boys I have ever met. Playing with them made me realise the joy of parenthood, the boys were so amusing and I suppose my catch phrase "Can I have one please" came to mind. I know there are no guarantees that if I had kids mine would be so perfect but these were perfect children. At one point in the day, I felt so happy being with the boys and for a split second I really thought they were mine. (Sad, I know but that's how I felt). It felt so strange taking them to the supermarket they wanted to go with Auntie so they could select some Ice cream. At one point in the supermarket I was scared I would lose them so I had to hold their hands really tight just in case they got lost or stolen from me! Anyway, I spoilt them rotten it was like a Supermarket sweep , anything you guys what you can have. So we came home with £30 of Ice cream, pizza's and things I didn't know the name of but I spied the packaging during my weekly shop. (I will stop being broody)
More mush, I must admit I always said if I had children I only wanted Girls, this statement is no longer true, I think I would prefer having Boys, but truth be known any child would be fine, I would be over the moon.
Yes, I know you are thinking I am a bit sad fantasying as the odds are stacked against me IE at my old maternal age I have approx 10 to 15% chance. At the moment I feel like gambling. although the odds are low, the prize will be fantastic. I suppose I am feeling positive so I suppose it is good to dream and imagine how my life could change in the next 6 weeks.
Sorry for being to mushy, it just how I am feeling at the moment. Once again, I am not really ready to start this cycle as there are so much things I wanted to do, IE lose a few pounds but my various injuries have prevented this from happened. (my excuse).
Roll on the next stage
So far, everything with me has been OK and I am still popping the b/c pills. The only slight concern I have is, my ovaries have been grumbling and aching since last week!. I am not sure what the ramification of this is, but there is nothing I can do about it. So roll on scan in approx 11 days. At the moment , the plan is I should start Sniffing on Wed, so only 2 days to go.
At the weekend some friends came over with their children and I can say they were the most adorable boys I have ever met. Playing with them made me realise the joy of parenthood, the boys were so amusing and I suppose my catch phrase "Can I have one please" came to mind. I know there are no guarantees that if I had kids mine would be so perfect but these were perfect children. At one point in the day, I felt so happy being with the boys and for a split second I really thought they were mine. (Sad, I know but that's how I felt). It felt so strange taking them to the supermarket they wanted to go with Auntie so they could select some Ice cream. At one point in the supermarket I was scared I would lose them so I had to hold their hands really tight just in case they got lost or stolen from me! Anyway, I spoilt them rotten it was like a Supermarket sweep , anything you guys what you can have. So we came home with £30 of Ice cream, pizza's and things I didn't know the name of but I spied the packaging during my weekly shop. (I will stop being broody)
More mush, I must admit I always said if I had children I only wanted Girls, this statement is no longer true, I think I would prefer having Boys, but truth be known any child would be fine, I would be over the moon.
Yes, I know you are thinking I am a bit sad fantasying as the odds are stacked against me IE at my old maternal age I have approx 10 to 15% chance. At the moment I feel like gambling. although the odds are low, the prize will be fantastic. I suppose I am feeling positive so I suppose it is good to dream and imagine how my life could change in the next 6 weeks.
Sorry for being to mushy, it just how I am feeling at the moment. Once again, I am not really ready to start this cycle as there are so much things I wanted to do, IE lose a few pounds but my various injuries have prevented this from happened. (my excuse).
Roll on the next stage
Wednesday, 20 June 2007
Fasten your seat belts - ride has started
Day zero has finally arrived (Lift off we are departing) and I have started my B/C pills (so day 1 of the process, only another 6 weeks to go).
I am excited but scared at the same time, I suppose once again starting treatment seems quite final, the roller coaster has started. This time I feel more in control and less stressed apart from my hot flushes which I have put down to be overweight (I noticed on my medical notes my Go had written Obese).
For this cycle, my approach is to take one milestone at a time. So at the moment, my first milestone is downregging and no cysts roll on the next 2 weeks.
I will probably blog now and again to let of steam ie when the grumpy old women appears after I have sniffed my self to death. Last time I am sure everyone at work thought I was on drugs or something, because twice a day I would dash to the ladies and you could hear a loud sniff and blowing of nose coming from the end cubicle. Maybe this time, the solution is for me to sniff quietly. Anyway I will try.
I am excited but scared at the same time, I suppose once again starting treatment seems quite final, the roller coaster has started. This time I feel more in control and less stressed apart from my hot flushes which I have put down to be overweight (I noticed on my medical notes my Go had written Obese).
For this cycle, my approach is to take one milestone at a time. So at the moment, my first milestone is downregging and no cysts roll on the next 2 weeks.
I will probably blog now and again to let of steam ie when the grumpy old women appears after I have sniffed my self to death. Last time I am sure everyone at work thought I was on drugs or something, because twice a day I would dash to the ladies and you could hear a loud sniff and blowing of nose coming from the end cubicle. Maybe this time, the solution is for me to sniff quietly. Anyway I will try.
Monday, 18 June 2007
Two days before I start
Hi,
I know I am sad and blogging in cyberspace rather than speaking to any one!. It just that we have decided to keep this treatment secret because we don't want any pressure from friends and family. So far, a few of my friends (who have children ) have suggested why don't you try IVF to speed up the process, it works, and then proceeds to tell me all about the older mothers who have been reported in the press recently IE "Women age 61 gives birth to twins". When this happen to me last might, I didn't have the courage to say we tried in Feb and I had a 8K period and we were embarking on the journey again this month.
I not sure what the future holds for us, but I know the mountain to get here has been bloody high to climb. I am aware we only have a 1 in 10 chance of success and that's after all the mini hurdles, IE down regging, stimming etc, etc. I am being practical this time, because last time I was slightly over ambition and didn't realise the odds were so low and expected with my PMA it would work. When it didn't work, my world came crashing down and I experienced the biggest coming down to earth, aka reality check. This time, I will be more cautious and not let my emotions run away, I will try to be positive but realistic at the same time. I suppose its all about going with the flow rather than dictating how life should be.
Because I am a desperate women and feel like a condemned hen, I have thrown everything at this cycle.
Supplements
After reading Radine Lewis site and book and have been taking the following supplements
( not religiously)
Spirunlia
Pcynogeol -
Vit C - tablets, 1grm every other day, (some reports say Vit C is good for Ovarian function others say no)
Wheat grass - 1 shot per day (started last week)
Royal Jelly 500mg with Propolis, pollen etc
Pregnacare
Therapy
Also I have been having weekly Acupuncture since mid April (brought my cycle to 28 days so it must be working, prior to Acupuncture my cycle varied from 23 to 28 days.
Diet
My diet has been slightly poor, I am a fish eating vegetarian and normally eats loads of greens but since my failed circle I have not had much greens in my diet. (will improve this asap)
I have been drinking milk (organic a litre a week but should be having more protein)
Have increased my water intake
Weight has increased (not good, it is due to pre IVF nerves, I have been eating chocolate)
I did buy Solgar Whey to Go (but jury still out if I should take it our not)
Stress
Trying not to stress myself and work crazy hours, (I am a workaholic, trying to stop)
Reading back through this post, it doesn't look like, I have really changed anything dramatically but the main thing is I am trying to improve my odds.
Thats me on day - 2 before lift off.
P.S Is anyone out there?????????
I know I am sad and blogging in cyberspace rather than speaking to any one!. It just that we have decided to keep this treatment secret because we don't want any pressure from friends and family. So far, a few of my friends (who have children ) have suggested why don't you try IVF to speed up the process, it works, and then proceeds to tell me all about the older mothers who have been reported in the press recently IE "Women age 61 gives birth to twins". When this happen to me last might, I didn't have the courage to say we tried in Feb and I had a 8K period and we were embarking on the journey again this month.
I not sure what the future holds for us, but I know the mountain to get here has been bloody high to climb. I am aware we only have a 1 in 10 chance of success and that's after all the mini hurdles, IE down regging, stimming etc, etc. I am being practical this time, because last time I was slightly over ambition and didn't realise the odds were so low and expected with my PMA it would work. When it didn't work, my world came crashing down and I experienced the biggest coming down to earth, aka reality check. This time, I will be more cautious and not let my emotions run away, I will try to be positive but realistic at the same time. I suppose its all about going with the flow rather than dictating how life should be.
Because I am a desperate women and feel like a condemned hen, I have thrown everything at this cycle.
Supplements
After reading Radine Lewis site and book and have been taking the following supplements
( not religiously)
Spirunlia
Pcynogeol -
Vit C - tablets, 1grm every other day, (some reports say Vit C is good for Ovarian function others say no)
Wheat grass - 1 shot per day (started last week)
Royal Jelly 500mg with Propolis, pollen etc
Pregnacare
Therapy
Also I have been having weekly Acupuncture since mid April (brought my cycle to 28 days so it must be working, prior to Acupuncture my cycle varied from 23 to 28 days.
Diet
My diet has been slightly poor, I am a fish eating vegetarian and normally eats loads of greens but since my failed circle I have not had much greens in my diet. (will improve this asap)
I have been drinking milk (organic a litre a week but should be having more protein)
Have increased my water intake
Weight has increased (not good, it is due to pre IVF nerves, I have been eating chocolate)
I did buy Solgar Whey to Go (but jury still out if I should take it our not)
Stress
Trying not to stress myself and work crazy hours, (I am a workaholic, trying to stop)
Reading back through this post, it doesn't look like, I have really changed anything dramatically but the main thing is I am trying to improve my odds.
Thats me on day - 2 before lift off.
P.S Is anyone out there?????????
Sunday, 17 June 2007
The IVF Planner
During the last 3 weeks, my life has been hectic, things have been a bit busy once again almost had our journey cancelled but we think at the moment we have got it back on track.
The grand plan is looking something like this (but is subject to change)
- Start taking B/C pills in only 3 days!
- A week later start downregging (bring on the menopause)
- Baseline scan (Clinic to provide key to the henhouse)
- Then into the hen house for just over a week to grow my eggs (hates needles)
- Egg collection mid July etc, etc (hates hospitals)
- Test early Aug
I suppose I should really be taking one day at a time but I thought it would been nice to see the big picture.
I did mention in my other posts that my waist line had been increasing slightly, to which I thought may actually be a kidlet in there, and I had experienced a slight nausea off and on. Well, today I thought I better quell those ideas and daydreams and went on a brought a POAS. The result of my pre ICSI POAS was BFN (not having a kidlet). For me that brought closure on that fantasy and I do have to take and inject all those fertility drugs. My fantasy gave me a warm feeling whilst it lasted but only in a parrallel universe. So beam me down Scotty ...................................................................
I am now in the land of reality again. In my next update I will mention what I am doing differently in this cycle which I hope may contribute to a BFP and a child in the next 10 months.
Today is day -3 before my second and final attempt at being a mother starts. Sugar, it does feel so final at the moment..
I really do want to join that exclusive Mothers Club any enjoy all the joys and benefits being a mother brings. Well we will see what Lady Luck has in store for me.
Thursday, 14 June 2007
Can someone turn the clock back please!!!!!!!!
Only 5 days to the start of my expensive habit
We start our pills for our second ICSI in 5 days and boy o boy am I nervous!!! Doesn't time fly when you are having fun. I have just remembered in March I made a promise (to myself, those are the best promises) that I was going to lower my BMI before my next round of ICSI. The plan at the time was to go to the gym but I didn't get round to it, sheer bone idle and laziness.
What makes things worse is my bathroom scale stopped working so I wasn't able to monitor my lack of progress. However, I did notice the early warning sign when my clothes started getting tight but I blamed that on the dry cleaners.
The real reason was time was ahead of me and I forgot my plan.
We start our pills for our second ICSI in 5 days and boy o boy am I nervous!!! Doesn't time fly when you are having fun. I have just remembered in March I made a promise (to myself, those are the best promises) that I was going to lower my BMI before my next round of ICSI. The plan at the time was to go to the gym but I didn't get round to it, sheer bone idle and laziness.
What makes things worse is my bathroom scale stopped working so I wasn't able to monitor my lack of progress. However, I did notice the early warning sign when my clothes started getting tight but I blamed that on the dry cleaners.
The real reason was time was ahead of me and I forgot my plan.
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